AND IF ELECTED

I am officially throwing my hat into the ring. I have decided to run for President of the United States.

If I am elected, I promise to....

Call a national emergency and declare martial law so I don't have to deal with a shifty, self-serving congress.

I promise to institute immediately

Executive Order #1:

All Wall Street banks and investment firms who had to pay back a miniscule portion of the illegal bailout in the last administration ($68.3 billion on the $229.7 billion owned) last June will have to pay back the balance, with interest. JPMorgan Chase, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, US Bancorp, and Capital One Financial will be among those responsible. The investigation will continue. The funds will be used to help homeowners pay down their current mortgages.

Executive Order #2:

There will be a cap of 5% on all credit card interest, recalculated retroactive to whenever the bearer of the card started charging. Anyone with no income or who has defaulted on their credit cards for good reason will be charged 0% interest. Chances are there are many people out there who will have their credit card principal paid off from exorbitant fees through the life of the card. Any overage will be returned to the card owner compounded at a 5% interest rate.

Executive Order #3:

The "You Can Work if You Want" program. Anyone over the age of 16 can get a job paying $10 flat rate. Employment offices will open around the country in a city or town near you. Just come in and you are guaranteed a job doing something you like: working outdoors in a garden, or indoors in an office; driving equipment or traveling. This program will be easily paid for by the existing unemployment payouts and we might as well use it now before it's all gone. These jobs will all be in the Environmental and Conservation sector and investments will be available through municipal funds and government bonds called the "Mickey Mac."

The other planks in my platform will be hammered in soon and I will be reporting them here. Anyone with suggestions on future programs, please put a comment in the appropriate area and we'll take them into advisement.

VOTE FOR ME! Gaiaharpoona